DVD Review: Gospel According To Philip K. Dick, The (D)

The Gospel According to Philip K. Dick (2000)
Directed by Mark Steensland
Interviews with Paul Williams, Robert Anton Wilson, Scott Apel, Jay Kinney, Ray Nelson, Miriam Lloyd and more
MPAA: UR
Grade: D

Review by Ellyn Elm

I can't tell you how excited I was when I learned about this title. I'm a HUGE Dick fan (ha ha)! Seriously, I've read tons of PKD and couldn't wait to watch The Gospel According to Philip K. Dick. Finally, someone was making the movie I have been waiting to see for nearly 15 years. Sadly, gentle readers, after viewing Mr. Steensland's effort, I must urge you: do not watch!

This movie is just plain bad. It features a series of painfully boring interviews intercut with tedious animation and soundtrack that only a crank addict coming off a week-long binge could tolerate. The Gospel has no discernible structure: one minute we're looking at a house that PKD once lived in and the next we're in the library stacks at CSU Fullerton looking at the shelves that house his writings. I kid you not: at least 10 minutes of the film are devoted to the bizarre ramblings of a university librarian who discusses, at length, the procedure for accessing the PKD collection.

OK, OK, so forget that the production value is poor, forget that the interviews are boring and rife with non-sequiturs. Surely a movie about Philip K. Dick must discuss his brilliant work, right? In fact, The Gospel According the Philip K. Dick features a complete absence of any discussion whatsoever of PKD's writings.

The mind boggles.

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DVD Review: Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (A-)

Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers (1988)
Directed by Fred Olen Ray
Starring Michelle Bauer, Jay Richardson, Gunnar Hansen and Linnae Quigley
MPAA: R
Grade: A-

Review By Bobby Nashville

Bad movies don't get much better than this. Its obvious that director Fred Olen Ray intended this to be a bad movie and usually, that kind of approach just doesn't work. But this movie is genuinely funny and Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers truly succeeds as being an intentionally bad film. In fact, for my money, Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers is the Citizen Kane of chainsaw hooker movies.

The plot for Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers is ludicrous. Jack Chandler is an LA private eye sent to find a missing girl, but his investigation leads him into a bizarre world of chainsaw wielding hookers that kill people for some freaky religious cult. The formula here is priceless: steal the blood thirsty cult idea from the classic Herschel Gordon Lewis film Bloodfeast and combine it with the classic private eye film noir storyline. Tossed in a lot of hookers. Give everybody chainsaws and bingo: you've got yourself one hilariously bad movie.

Gunnar Hanson, who played Leatherface in the classic horror film Texas Chainsaw Massacre, plays the leader of the Anubis worshipping cult. Cult movie character actor Jerry Miller (the weird guy driving around LA in Repo Man) is fantastic as a baseball bat loving sex maniac. Jay Richardson is also pretty funny as the private dick Jack Chandler, he gives this role just the right mix of seriousness and camp.

Director Fred Olen Ray has stated this movie was originally financed by an adult film company that wanted to break into the legitimate film industry. I'm not sure how "legitimate" this movie is but it's certainly not porn. There's a ton of nudity but its all so silly that it really doesn't come off as being that sexy. There are lots of bloody chainsaw attacks as well, but they are shot and edited so poorly that this gore actually plays as comedy.

If you see only one chainsaw hooker movie this year, make it Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers.

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DVD Review: Phenomena (C+)

Phenomena (1985)
Directed by Dario Argento
Jennifer Connelly, Donald Pleasence, Daria Nicolodi and Dalila Di Lazzaro
MPAA: UR
Grade: C+

Review by Bobby Nashville

Italian horror auteur Dario Argento directed this stylish, strange and at times entertaining tale of bugs gone bad. The young Jennifer Connelly (yes, that Jennifer Connelly) teams up with Donald Pleasance on this one, and although it is a bit schlocky, Phenomena certainly has it's moments.

Wondering what happens when bugs can communicate with people? Sometimes it doesn't turn out so good. Ask Jennifer Corvino, the daughter of a famous movie actor, who is sent to an exclusive Swiss boarding school. She has power over insects and when times get tough at school (damn cliques) she finds that the bugs can come in handy. She finds friendship with an expert on bugs of (Pleasance) and together they try to figure out what the hell her deal is.

This movie has alot of strange aspects to it: the dialogue is stilted, the music is by Motorhead and Iron Maiden (?!) and for an unreason reason, they keep making a federal case out of the fact that Jennifer is the daughter of a famous movie actor, even though it has no relationship to the plot. Weirdly fascinating and at times, so bad it's good, Phenomena is worth checking out.

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DVD Review: Die Hard 3 - Die Hard With A Vengeance (B-)

Die Hard 3: Die Hard With A Vengeance (1995)
Directed by John McTiernan
Starring Bruce Willis, Samuel Jackson, Jeremy Irons and Graham Greene
MPAA: R
Grade: B-

Review by Bobby Nashville

This film proves that just about every movie can be made better by just adding Samuel Jackson. The usual suspects (Bruce Willis and an evil terrorist) battle it out here for macho superiority in typical Die Hard fashion. Jackson brings the "buddy cop" factor into play and it saves Die Hard With A Vengeance, but just barely.

Our good friend John McClane finds himself estranged from his wife once again (I think they need counseling, frankly) and he's fallen into a deep alcoholic style funk. The brother of evil Die Hard I terrorist Hans Gruber (remember him?) has decided to terrorize New York City with time bombs, and he decides to tack some payback against McClane onto the order. McClane meets up with shopkeeper Zeus Carver (Jackson) and they have great chemistry as they team to thwart our new evil villain (played well by Jeremy Irons).

Lots of explosions, chases, gunfire and blood make this movie a worthy action film, certainly a nice comeback from the lackluster Die Hard 2: Die Harder. If you liked the first Die Hard then you'll probably love the return to form that is Die Hard With a Vengeance, better known to many as "Die Hard in New York" or "Die Hard with Samuel Jackson".

Now get the popcorn ready. Yippy-kai-yay!

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DVD Review: Seconds (B)

Seconds (1966)
Directed by John Frankenheimer
Starring John Randolph, Rock Hudson, Will Geer, Salome Jens, Jeff Corey
MPAA: R
Grade: B

Review by Scott Standish

Director John Frankenheimer must have been going through a mid-life crisis when he made Seconds. Why is that? Well, the trailer for this film claims that every middle aged man's dream is to ditch his entire life and start anew. Basically: ditch the wife and job. There's alot more to the classic thriller Seconds than that but that is certainly the viewpoint they take oin this story.

The general idea behind Seconds is that bored, well off middle aged men simply want to be free from the ties of family and work. The protagonist (John Randolph) is a wealthy businessman that is in a funk, both professionally and at home. He is lured in by a bizarre organization that offers his the opportunity to be "reborn" as another person. We're talking fake death, new identity (complete with radical plastic surgery), the whole nine yards. Our lead goes from being a boring old banker into being Rock Hudson, successful painter, and of course, ladies man.

Seconds is a decent thriller that has some excellent concepts, similar to recent films like The Game and Vanilla Sky. If you liked either of those you will probably get into Seconds. Give this one a shot if you are looking for a classic black and white thriller.

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