DVD Review: Vampire's Kiss (A-)

Vampire's Kiss (1989)
Directed by Robert Bierman
Starring Nicolas Cage, Jennifer Beals, Maria Conchita- Alonzo and Elizabeth Ashley
MPAA: R
Grade: A-

Review by Scott Standish

Nicolas Cage can over act with the best of them and nowhere is this more pleasantly obvious than the underrated indie film Vampire's Kiss. Originally released theatrically in 1989, Vampire's Kiss was marketed as a wacky vampire comedy, but nothing could have been further from the truth. A bizarre yet fascinating tale of psychosis and twisted boss/employee relations, Vampire's Kiss is a darker than dark comedy that, like it's lead character, constantly straddles the fine line between genius and insanity.

Peter Loew (Nicolas Cage) is an asshole literary agent in New York City that was recently dumped by his girlfriend. As he relates to his therapist (Elizabeth Ashley) he has developed a habit for picking up girls for one night stands, only to dump them cruelly. At the same time, he seems so messed up by his inability to maintain a normal relationship with these women, that he starts to have problems keeping a handle on things mentally.

During one of his trysts, Peter is bitten by a bat (or is he?), and before long, he begins to see symptoms that indicate he is turning into a vampire. At work, Peter starts to push the limits of acceptable human behavior as he finds an emotional victim to attack. Alva, an office worker for the agency, is given the impossible task of finding a meaningless document lost within thousands files. Peter mercilessly harrasses the timid Alva (played by Maria Conchita Alonzo) to find the file, and emboldened by her fear, he spirals deeper and deeper into the realm of what is, and is not, real.

The strange story line and bizarre themes rocketing through Vampire's Kiss make this a film that needs to be examined very closely. Vampire's Kiss deals with the fear of "never finding the right person" (as Peter says), the fear of being fired from your job, and ultimately, the fear of losing one's grip on reality. Sounds hilarious, right? Sure, there are these dark and serious undercurrents to Vampire's Kiss, but the comedic manner in which Nicolas Cage plays the lead character makes this film, at times, very funny.

Vampire's Kiss is not for everybody, that's for sure. But if you love Nicolas Cage when he's going over the top, or strange dark comedies, then its hard to find a better bet.

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DVD Review: Saint, The (D+)

The Saint (1997)
Directed by Phillip Noyce
Starring Val Kilmer and Elisabeth Shue
MPAA: PG-13
Grade: D+

Review by Bobby Nashville

I have a pretty low tolerance for crappy Hollywood thrillers. While The Saint is certainly not horrible, it also isn't very good. I actually like Val Kilmer and Elisabeth Shue so I hung in there hoping that this film might turn it around. My mistake.

The Saint is a loose adaptation of the popular TV show of the same name starring Roger Moore. Val Kilmer plays Simon Templar, a secret agent that bids out his services to the highest bidder. As he approaches 50 million in the bank he decides to pull off one last job before retiring.

Enter the lovely Elisabeth Shue. The Saint's job is to steal scientist Elisabeth Shue (?!) 's formula for cold fusion. He dons tons of silly disguises and uses fake accents to deceive everyone. Obviously, nobody would fall for these stupid costumes or accents. Director Phillip Noyce does seem to hint that he knows there is camp value here and there is a nice little comic book feel to the story. But beyond that, The Saint is a pretty shallow, albeit harmless movie.

Val Kilmer looks like he had a blast doing this role he almost seems to be cracking up laughing during some of the scenes. Perhaps he couldn't believe he was actually getting paid millions to act in this stinker. But the point is, Kilmer is so bad in The Saint that he was actually nominated for a Razzie (the Oscars for bad movies) for his terrible performance.

I must insist that you pass on The Saint unless you are a serious Val Kilmer or Elisabeth Shue junkie.

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DVD Review: Horror of Dracula (B-)

Horror of Dracula (1958)
Directed by Terence Fisher
Starring Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee and Michael Gough
Grade: B-

Review by Bobby Nashville

Man I love a good vampire movie and this one was a little better than I was expecting. The acting in Horror Of Dracula is good and the set design is exceptional.

Peter Cushing stars as Dr. Von Helsing, a vampire slayer way before Buffy got into the business. His buddy Jonathon Harker had set off initially to bring down the evil count Dracula, but things didn't work out the way he planned. Next thing he knows, he's a vampire himself and old Von Helsing has to come in to try and clean up the mess. To make matters worse Dracula (played by Christopher Lee) has now latched onto Harker's family as a new source of blood. In other words, Dracula is back and he's pissed off.

There is nothing spectacular about Horror of Dracula, but its pretty darn good all around. Terence Fisher does a great job directing from a good script (not hokey at all) and he gets a nice understated, "I know I am bad" Dracula performance from Lee. The female vampires are a bit conservative for my taste (I prefer vampire movies with a little more sex appeal) but this is still a very good horror film. Recommended.

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DVD Review: Switchblade Sisters (A-)

Switchblade Sisters (1975)
Directed by Jack Hill
Starring Robbie Lee, Joanne Nail, Monica Gayle and Asher Brauner
MPAA: R
Grade: A-

Review by Bobby Nashville

One of my favorite girl groups is a rock band called The Donnas. Imagine the music of The Ramones but played by sexy young girls in pink T-shirts and leather pants. That's The Donnas. Someone once described the Donnas as the kind of chicks that steal another gal's boyfriend, and then just for kicks, kick her ass as well.

Why do I bring up the Donnas here? Well, if the Ramones got to star in Rock and Roll High School (one of my all time favorites), then perhaps its time to give The Donnas their shot at celluloid stardom. They've had a couple cameos (most notably Jawbreakers) but have yet to land a feature film deal. I can't think of a better film vehicle for The Donnas to debut in than a remake of the 1975 girl gang flick Switchblade Sisters.

Stupid, hilarious and mesmerizing at the same time, Switchblade Sisters tells the story of a tough talking girl gang fighting for survival on the streets. They are led by Lacey, a pint sized gal that sneers every line through gritted teeth. Her second in command, Patch (she wears an eye patch) gets nervous when a new gal (Maggie) enters the gang and quickly upstages her. The gang (known as the Dagger Debs) hang out with their boyfriends (a gang called The Daggers, of course), drink beer, get in fights and hassle the cops. Those are my kind of gals.

The dialogue is awesome. The Switchblade Sisters curse like crazy and they constantly badmouth each other. Lace at one point grabs Donut and forcibly makes her squeal like a pig, for no other reason than she can get away with it. Patch is constantly trying to backstab Maggie, just because Maggie beat her up once. The beautiful Maggie appears calm and collected on the outside, but when pushed, she totally goes ballistic. At one point, Maggie screams at a cop (who is arresting her, of course): "Let me give YOU some advice, cop! You can beat us, chain us, lock us up, but we're gonna be back! UNDERSTAND?! And when we do, cop, you better keep your ass off our turf! OR WE'LL BLOW IT OFF!!! You dig?!"

Directed by the legendary Jack Hill (Spider Baby, Foxy Brown), Switchblade Sisters is one of those bad movies that actually draws you in over time. The characters are so vivid (and insane) that it almost seems like a living cartoon. Jack Hill wisely packed lots of action into the wacky script, and the fight scenes help move the film along. By the time the Dagger Debs launch a full out war, you actually find yourself pulling for Lace, Donut and Maggie.

Tough talking, street fighting, guy stealing and beer drinking, the Switchblade Sisters ARE the Donnas, minus the guitars. If you are a fan of girl gang exploitation films, the Donnas, or cult director Jack Hill, you have to give this movie a shot. Rock on.

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