DVD Review: Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks (B)

Frankenstein's Castle Of Freaks (1974)
Directed by Ramiro Oliveros
Starring Rosanno Brazzi, Gordon Mitchell, Loren Ewing, Christine Rucker and Margaret Oliver
MPAA: R
Grade: B

Review By Bobby Nashville

Looking for a good "bad movie" to cackle at on a Saturday night? Look no further my friend, I have found the Citizen Kane of bad movies: Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks.

Here's the "story" if you can call it that: The good count Frankenstein lives like some kind of half Dracula, half Donald Trump in his bizarre castle on the hill where he employs a sex maniac midget and an evil servant. The dynamic duo spend their evenings digging up graves for body parts. Just to make things completely bizarre, there's also a strange neanderthal man roaming the countryside, beating up folks at random.

As is custom (when your name is Frankenstein) the count is fulfilling his destiny by building a monster in the basement. Count Frankenstein's daughter brings home some friends to visit for the night, and before long, her best friend is getting sexy with the count. So basically, everybody is trying to either get sexy, build monsters or be evil. Kind of like real life.

The director seems to believe (and I have to agree with him here) that even though dead body parts are being hacked together in an attempt to build a monster, it is still wise to deliver as many unecessary nude scenes as possible. People are taking milk baths, girls are taking baths together, midgets are spying on girls undressing, you get the picture.

This very weird movie has been released under no less than eight different titles but Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks is definitely about as accurate as they will ever get. Filled with quirky dialogue, freaky monsters and bizarre sexual situations, this title, now released by the good folks at Something Weird Video, is a fantastically "bad movie" that will have you chuckling throughout and scratching your head when its over.

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DVD Review: All The Vermeers In New York (D+)

All The Vermeers In New York (1990)
Directed by Jon Jost
Starring Emmanuelle Chaulet, Gordon Joseph Weiss and Grace Phillips
MPAA: UR
Grade: D+

Review by Bobby Nashville

I am a fan of Tom Wolfe novels (yes, I do read) and even though this is not based on his work it seemed to have a lot of the elements of a Tom Wolfe piece. So, I was willing to give this a shot. In my mind it had all the right elements: the New York financial world of the 80's, the back biting art scene and a French actress that isn't really sure what it is that she wants. Sounds like a great art film right there: add a good script, some decent cinematography and in my mind, All The Vermeers In New York should have been halfway there. I repeat: should have been.

When you take a hard look at All The Vermeers In New York, it simply is a potentially good movie that just does not add up to the sum of its parts. Gordon Joseph Weiss does a very good job of keeping All The Vermeers afloat through some solid acting (especially the scenes where he is moving block trades at his brokerage house). But frankly every one else in the movie seems to be on ludes or something. The dialogue is uneven and at times you wonder if the actors have actually forgotten their lines. Anna (Emmanuelle Chaulet) and Gordon (Gordon Joseph Weiss) don't seem to spark the chemistry needed to make their relationship that interesting or at the very least, believable.

Their are several attempts at scenes purely for art's sake: airplanes cutting through the sky, wandering cameras through lobbies of a museum, etc., all set to classical or jazz music. At first it seems interesting but an hour into the movie it really becomes boring. I get it, it's a painting on film, but does it have to be this boring?

If you are looking a good art film then skip the boring All The Vermeers In New York and opt for a good Jim Jarmusch flick (Down By Law, Stranger Than Fiction, Mystery Train) instead.

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DVD Review: Whole Nine Yards, The (D+)

The Whole Nine Yards (2000)
Directed by Jonathon Lynne
Starring Matthew Perry, Bruce Willis and Roseanna Arquette
MPAA: R
Grade: D+

Review by Scott Standish

Like the recent Steve Martin vehicle Novocaine, The Whole Nine Yards tells the story of a likable dentist who gets caught up in a murder yarn and finds his life totally changed overnight. The Whole Nine Yards is sillier than Novocaine as it desperately tries to milk Matthew Perry for all the "oh my gods!" it can.

Here's the basic plot: Matthew Perry has married an evil Canadian girl (yes, the Canada bashing in this film is totally out of line) and a hitman (played by Bruce Willis) moves next door. His wife tries to hire the hitman to kill him, as Perry gets caught up in a scheme to "rat" the hitman out for cash to buy himself a divorce.

One of the biggest problems with The Whole Nine Yards is its tendency, especially in the beginning, to have its actors continually explain what is going on. Sure, its a double- crossing murder tale, but they could have given the audience at least some credit to figure out what is happening. Nothing is explained via character actions or subtleties.

Having actors face the camera and spell out what is going on is a television convention, and perhaps the director thought this a good idea, since the lead actor is best known for his role on Friends. Another television-like quality to The Whole Nine Yards is its static, almost catatonic camera work and art direction. Everything is a medium or full shot, with the actors directly facing the camera, similar to a a soap opera. There is no real attention to character detail, or art direction going on.

Jonathon Lynn directed the funny, but slightly overrated film My Cousin Vinny. Its obvious that he can direct a smart comedy, but for some reason he felt compelled to dumb this one down. If you have low expectations, or love television style movies, you might find this film clever. If you are expecting any depth or cleverness to The Whole Nine Yards you will certainly be disappointed.

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DVD Review: Man Who Wasn't There, The (C+)

The Man Who Wasn't There (2001)
Directed By Joel Coen
Starring Billy Bod Thornton, Frances McDormand and James Gandolfini
Grade: C+

Review by Scott Standish

This movie was a bit disappointing to me, especially since I'm a big Coen brothers fan (The Big Lebowski, Fargo, etc). I knew that this film was supposed to be dark and depressing, but what I wasn't expecting was the slow pacing, and the rather simplistic handling of the film.

The film centers around Billy Bob Thornton's character, a quiet, thoughtful, slightly introspective man that has gotten in a bit over his head. His wife (played by the always interesting to watch Frances McDormand) is an embezzler that may or may not be cheating on him. He feels the need to blackmail the man who has been seeing his wife (played well by James Gandolfini) for enough cash to go in on a crazy dry cleaning venture capital scam. As things go wrong, he starts to develop an attraction for a girl that is barely out of high school.

If this sounds like some kind of Raymond Chandler film, it definitely is supposed to. I remember hearing that the Coen Brothers wanted the Big Lebowski to be like a Raymond Chandler mystery, but starring a complete stoner as the main character. In Lebowski, it worked great. But for The Man Who Wasn't There, its clear that they decided to go ahead and keep this true to the classic film noir formula.

The mood here is definitely dark and the cinematography work here is excellent - everything seems to shimmer in glorious black and white. But the pace of The Man That Wasn't There is a bit slow, the story is not that surprising, and although its an enjoyable film, it doesn't break any new ground.

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DVD Review: Less Than Zero (B-)

Less Than Zero (1987)
Directed by Marek Kanievska
Starring Robert Downey Jr., Andrew McCarthy, Jamie Gertz and James Spader
MPAA: R
Grade: B-

Review by Scott Standish

I guess I should admit before I even start this review that I like Bret Easton Ellis novels. Many people find his writings complete pop culture trash with violent tendencies and a weak spot for drugs and deception. Come to think of it, so do I and that's probably why I like his books.

Less Than Zero is the movie that brought to life the controversial novel of the same name. Its been a long time since I first saw this "slice of Beverly Hills drug scene" movie and I was surprised to see that the film holds up pretty well - frankly a lot better than I expected.

The story revolves around a trio of best friends: Clay, the cool, contemplative one (played by Andrew McCarthy), his shallow but beautiful girlfriend Blair (Jami Gertz) and Julian, the wild one that everyone loves but no one really understands (Robert Downey Jr.). They separate as high school ends, with Clay going off to college. Julian seizes the opportunity to stay behind and steal Clay's girlfriend. Clay comes home for Christmas vacation with the hopes of winning Blair back.

Unfortunately he soon realizes that his biggest challenge is keeping his ex-best friend Julian alive. You see Julian has acquired a nasty freebase addiction and is in a deep spiral. Beyond the help of rehab, this guy has one foot in the grave. Robert Downey Jr. is amazing in this role, certainly one that comes off as very realistic, especially now.

Less Than Zero has been attacked over the years for its "brat pack" cast, its shallow subject matter and its over-all cheesiness. Okay, so its not Citizen Kane, but is that really what you were expecting? If you are willing to give this 80's movie a fresh chance, some bright spots really come to the forefront: Robert Downey Jr.'s acting is stellar, James Spader is quite mesmerizing as Rap (Julian's drug dealer) and Jami Gertz is well, Jami Gertz.

The shallowness of the characters is skewered throughout the film and I kept thinking that this would make a nice double bill with the incredible dark comedy that came out just two years later, Heathers. Finally, the soundtrack was put together by Rick Rubin, so it features some great classics from The Cult, The Red Hot Chili Peppers and of course who can forget the infamous credit scene featuring the Bangles' Hazy Shade of Winter. Oh, those crazy 80s!

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DVD Review: Ring, The (B+)

The Ring (2002)
Directed by Gore Verbinski
Starring Naomi Watts, Martin Henderson and David Dorfman
MPAA: PG-13
Grade: B+

Review by Bobby Nashville

Let's face it, the horror film market has seen better days. There's a lot of junk flooding the market right now, and Hollywood is certainly to blame. But, cheer up dear friends: if you are willing to search a little bit, you can still find some good stuff out there. Like Gore Verbinski's The Ring, a tight little horror/thriller based on the hugely successful Japanese film Ringu.

By now, everybody's heard the set up on this one, but hey, this is a movie review and I'm the reviewer so - here goes: There's a videotape floating around that, rumor has it, if you view it, you will die in seven days. Sounds like a bad urban legend, but this actually makes for a pretty cool movie premise.

Naomi Watts (Betty from Mulholland Drive) stars as a journalist that stumbles onto the story. By finding and viewing the tape (a montage of creepy images that seem lifted from a Nine Inch Nails video) she soon finds everyone she cares about (including herself) in jeopardy. Watts and her ex-boyfriend race against the calendar to solve the riddle behind the evil prophecy.

Okay, this sounds cheesy, I know. And perhaps it is. But hey, this is a popcorn movie, its not intended to provide a deeper meaning to all of our lives. Its a pop culture horror film with a little bit of creepy psychological drama thrown in for good measure. It has some nice frights, some very nice visuals and some decent acting. In other words, this is a tidy psycho horror film that gets the job done.

If you like horror films with a little more than a man running around with a knife and mask, then you will probably like The Ring. Be forewarned however - you might just die seven days after you see it.

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DVD Review: King Of New York, The (A-)

King of New York (1990)
Directed by Abel Ferrara
Starring Christopher Walken, Lawrence Fishburne, Victor Argo, David Caruso and Wesley Snipes
MPAA: R
Grade: A-

Review by Scott Standish

During last season's run of the hugely popular show The Sopranos, a number of pop culture magazines wrote in depth pieces on "why America loves gangster stories". Hollywood has certainly offered up various takes on the American gangster and his motivations for crime. People seem to gravitate towards one type of crime genre over another based on their sympathies towards the gangster's particular take on life.

The early gangster classics (Scarface, Angels With Dirty Faces, Public Enemy, etc.) usually had the gangster working his way to the top in order to gain acceptance from his mother, his sister or his family in general. DePalma's legendary remake of Scarface grabbed the "acceptance from my family" theme and combined it with a brutal "modern day capitalism at work" metaphor. Tony Montana escaped to the U.S. because America is, after all, the land of opportunity.

Modern day mob dramas such as GoodFellas and The Sopranos seem to hint that the gangster has finally gained the love and respect of their family, yet continues in this live of crime in order to provide for their family. For Tony Soprano or Henry Hill, crime just happens to be their business, and as they say, business is booming. This "working to provide for my family" excuse certainly has made these violent characters more likable to the American public. Tony Soprano is a horrible person but I would bet any amount of money that most people would admit that he's also very likable. It's this complex characterization that attracts yet frightens at the same time.

Perhaps one of the most intriguing modern day movie gangsters ever created is Frank White, the cold hearted criminal from Abel Ferrara's 1990 cult classic The King of New York. Frank White is a drug kingpin that's done his time in prison. His crew (led by Lawrence Fishburne) has kept things in check while he was away. When Frank returns, he quickly guns down every competing family in his quest to become, yes, the King of New York.

His outward demeanor is frighteningly cold. Meeting with Artie Clay, the head of the Italian crime family, White tells him: "From now on, nothing goes down unless I'm involved. No blackjack no dope deals, no nothing. A nickel bag gets sold in the park, I want in. You guys got fat while everybody starved on the street. Now it's my turn." Clay wises off to him so White unloads his pistol into the guy, three of the shots hitting him well after the poor guy is already dead.

Frank White doesn't care about gaining acceptance from his family, in fact he never even mentions them. He wants to help all of society by running the crime world respectably with most of the cash going back into humanitarian causes. When asked by a socialite "What can we expect from a reformed Frank White?" He responds "I want to be mayor."

White's not joking about the mayor thing, despite the fact that he's a vicious drug lord. He goes on to berate a government official for allowing a children's hospital to fall onto the city's closing list. When the official explains that the city simply doesn't have the funds needed to keep the hospital open, Frank White pledges to raise the 15 million himself. White scrapes up the cash by robbing a rival drug dealer of his cocaine shipment. Frank White attends the gala opening reception as a hero, complete with R&B singer Freddie Jackson crooning about how the world is now a better place. King of New York indeed.

Seriously viewing himself as modern day Robin Hood, Walken tells people that "If I can just have a year, I can do something good". White at one point ties up Detective Bishop (played by the fantastic character actor Victor Argo) and explains how he is bettering society by robbing the scumlord crime bosses of New York's various families. "I spent half my life in prison, I never got away with anything and I never killed anyone who didn't deserve it" White tells Argo. Argo shoots back "Who made you judge and jury?" Walken waits a beat and then says "Its a tough job but somebody's gotta do it". In his mind, he believes it.

White has surrounded himself with a similar crew of wanna be Robin Hoods. Lawrence Fishburne brags about how much he loves killing enemies of Frank White. At the same time, this is a character that gives little children handfuls of quarters, so that they may play the video games in the back of a takeout chicken shop. These aren't just bad asses, these are badasses that see themselves as actually helping out the common man.

The daring Abel Ferrara succeeds in crafting a unique gangster film in the violent King of New York. The characters are complex and the dialogue is extremely crisp. This brutal, low budget crime movie is a definite must see for fans of the gangster film genre, as well as anyone who appreciates the fine acting of Christopher Walken and Lawrence Fishburne. Highly recommended.

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DVD Review: Gangs Of New York (B)

Gangs Of New York (2002)
Directed by Martin Scorsese
Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Daniel Day-Lewis, Cameron Diaz and John C. Reilly
MPAA: R
Grade: B

Review by Scott Standish

Fans of Martin Scorsese waited a long time for this film and in many ways it was worth the wait. Nominated for ten Academy Awards, Gangs of New York is gigantic in scale, similar in scope to James Cameron's Titanic. It also seems to suffer from the same problems as Titanic: an overreaching script and a surprisingly lukewarm performance from Leonardo DiCaprio.

Amsterdam Vallon (DiCaprio) is a boy with one thought on his mind: revenge. His father was killed by William Cutting (Daniel Day Lewis) in the famous Battle of Five Points in the young city of New York. Amsterdam wisely sidles up to Cutting, AKA"Bill The Butcher" in order to enter his ring of organized crime. Amsterdam meets and falls for the lovely prostitute Jenny Everdeane (Cameron Diaz) only to find out that she has her own ties to the ruthless Cutting.

There are some great acting performances in Gangs of New York: John C. Reilly is fantastic as the local police officer and Jim Broadbent is wonderful as the corrupt mayor of New York William "Boss" Tweed. Daniel Day Lewis is the best though, as he is absolutely memorizing as William Cutting and he deservedly won the Online Film Critics Award for best actor.

My only issue with the sprawling Gangs of New York is the overbloated script itself. The film seems to try and tell a back story for every character and tie way too much together into what should have been one simple story. Leonard DiCaprio also does not light up the screen at all and he is completely overshadowed by Daniel Day-Lewis's incredible performance.

With a running time of over 2 and a half hours this probably could have been more powerful if it was simply scaled down. However even with it's faults, Gangs of New York is still a very good film that tells an interesting tale of New York City's early days.

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